All roads lead to Denver

I need to clean my beloved car from all our adventures together in order to get us both ready for farewells. Then, I reached the city I had to bypass this morning. I end my road trips here, transformed and shiny. Sparkling with joy. Ready to give new ways to my adventures. After having flirted with solitude for months, I get to Damia’s, my urban nights’ host, it is my turn to wash from my three weeks on the road, from my long wanderer’s months.

My first challenge is to find a new owner for my faithful squire! From unpredictable turns to unexpected encounters, the deal is sealed, my day is surprised. I am free, I am happy. My Denver stay finds its true colors. I blend into the crowd and city lights, so far from meditation and silence, I throb where the city breathes. I belong to Denver.

Thus I am here and I feel perfectly fine. I am here and I am just myself, with no compromise. With no polluted thoughts. I am just myself without my favorite ghost. He has not really flown away but I am not haunted anymore, I am not paralyzed. I freed myself. Like a joy. Like a proof of this new version of myself.

And I meet Ben again, born and raised here, first met in Alaska, like a sun in my journey. Ben whose present, strange mirror of mine, intertwines our fleetingly crossing paths with an unspoken mutual understanding.

In order to listen to Ben playing drums, I go to church Saturday night. A certain kind of church… I actually go to a rock concert about Jesus with smoke and 3D effects! And I am utterly moved beyond all expectations, I am touched by this modern way of talking to God that brings me to deeper revelations. I feel full of such a pure emotion, such an unconditional love, such a complete personal faith.
At one point, the preacher describes their new reflective work of the year: Pieces, like a perfect match for my last four years. I am listening to his philosophical tales and I am certain my pieces are not broken anymore. Proud.
When I am asked with details what part of me is wounded though : heart – another word for my identity, my soul, carrying my faith, or my mind, owner of my choices and strength; I realize my heart and soul are peaceful but my mind still needs to be fixed in some ways since I am unable to choose my new path…

But tonight, even this part might be rebuilt. Colorado State sings in Denver like a reachable future, memory of another opportunity, and shines brighter in the church full of pop rock prayers to Jesus. I hear the drum roll before the firework, I feel something feverish like a beginning even if some blind spots remain. Colorado tomorrow? Denver irretrievably attracts me for reasons I wouldn’t have guessed.
Denver is a promise like a messy new moon; Denver feels like a comforting home, MY home; Denver is full of bright energy like a new chance. And I finally feel like I have a room in this world, in the future.

I am fully transformed by all those elements under Flatirons’ roof, as drums drill both my ears and heart.

Sunday is dedicated to rodeo. It is the Great Stock Show final. I am so excited to reach my American cliché. Yet, I get bored so easily. Rodeo on your own for such a big event is exciting for five minutes and then quickly gets soooooooo boring! They keep you craving and I can’t reach the actual feeling of that extraordinary show! Too far, too lonely. They start horse riding and then it is a bunch of easier trials that I don’t fully understand, before ridding bulls one hour and a half later… Beers and fatigue might not be helping though… So be it! I will come back another time, in a tiny arena in North Carolina; it will be better for sure!
Waiting for this next rendezvous one day, I listen to the common prayer starting the show, paradoxically praising American religious freedom… And what is the benefit of those who don’t believe when God is summoned in this minute? I then think even Atheists pray when rodeo or baseball crowd shows the lead… They pray pulled by the common praise, built by the immortal habit, in a solemn respect.

My Monday is like any Monday, uncertain and grey. Today, the sun is not rising in a grey Denver. Matching my mood. Or vice-versa. I would like to spend my day at the library writing and copying, but I can’t, my brain is like marmalade. Then, I try to fool myself, keeping me busy step by step, hoping my mind will find some strength… In vain! It is an empty day. I am working on my new definitions, the ones brought by Denver; I try to make them mine as the bright halo of novelty is fading away.
Not only Monday is making me heavier, I think I feel tired of my permanent movement for the first time in six months. I can tell I would like to run my roots down in one chosen place.

What’s up in Denver’s Tuesday? The sun is softly shinning. I don’t do anything extravagant, following my soul’s lazy path, running the Art Museum alleys when I should have learnt history, walking already familiar streets, trying to find new ways to discover the city. I really feel like I know this place. Instinctively. I am falling for Denver surrounded by mountains when I have praised lakes and oceans for months. I fell for the water’s beloved strength; I prefer the Earth’s blow rising to heaven today, I prefer telluric magic because Denver belongs to me. Or vice-versa.

As my last day rings the time, I wander and breathe so perfectly with the city. At my right place on Earth. Invincible. Blessed like ever. Free from my fears. I haven’t written a lot about Denver compared to what happened to my changing heart. Caught by life’s dance. I haven’t written a lot about Denver because it was not a tale. It was about me in the sun. It was about my turning page. It was precisely about me being and living, and not about writing who I want to be or what I would like to live.

What a journey! What a beautiful stay in Denver! Driven by fleeting and endless encounters. Driven by a daily happiness, by forever opportunities.

I thus leave Denver in the night and the snow. The Rockies’ snow. Big flakes instantly melting in the Earth warm heart. I believed I wouldn’t wonder about frozen skies anymore, but those white and cheerful flakes warm my soul as I am waving goodbye.

What a city! What a new life! I can’t believe it.

Be like a river
Overflow
Be like a waterfall
Rebuild
Be like the stream
Run
Be like the ocean
Dance
Be like the rain
Laugh
Be like a lake
Still
Be free, be yourself, be love, be grateful, be happy, be sad, be uncertain
Be yourself
Have faith, love, smile, write, live, believe, trust.
Be yourself
Talk. Too much.
Feel. A lot.
Be alive
Denver, 01/24/2020